Clotted Cream (the non-dairy version of course)

My Mum makes this by the massive bowl full, and every time she does the family attack it with dessert spoons regardless of whether they’re dairy-eaters or not.

Fluffy and moreish, it’s creamy and delicious with a fulsome mouth feel, but without the greasy after-taste of dairy cream left on the tongue. Once made it will last in the fridge and won’t need re-whipping!

Best served cold, but it tastes like a magical Angel Delight-type dessert when served at room temperature.

Serves 4-6 or approximately 3 in the real world.

3tsp fine cornflour / cornstarch if in the USA
150ml / 5fl oz / 2/3 of a cup unsweetened soya milk
1 vanilla pod
90g / 3.5oz / 7 tbsp soft marge (Vitalite or Pure will do the trick)
2-3 tsp icing sugar
A few drops of vanilla extract (optional)

Part I:

In a small bowl blend the cornflour to a paste with a little of the soya milk.

Put the rest of the milk in a saucepan with the vanilla pod and bring to the boil.

Pour this over the cornflour mixture, stir, and return all together to the pan.

Stir until the mixture thickens, then remove from the heat, and leave until completely cold.

Part II:

In another bowl, beat the margarine until it’s light and creamy, then gradually whisk in the cooled cornflour and milk mixture. (You can remove the vanilla pod and rinse it in fresh hot water, then leave to dry out and be used again.)

It’s important to add the cornflour mixture gradually, whisking well, as if making a custard, whisking well, to produce a beautiful yet light whipped cream.

Add the sugar towards the end, a teaspoon at a time, tasting the mixture till it’s just sweet enough for you.

The light vanilla flavour can be enhanced with an extra drop or two of vanilla essence/extract, or you could add some brandy/rum, depending on what it’s being served with.

THE HOLY GRAIL - Vegan Yorkshire Puds

Many a tear has been shed over failed Yorkies, because being almost entirely egg-based they are, of course, going to need some serious alchemical synthesis to get those buggers into Vegan Mode.

Well, Graham had a crack at these some months ago, and Lord they were good, but I lost the recipe and had to do them from memory.


They worked.
Gasp.

The first thing to get comfortable with is that they're never going to rise like their ovum cousins - they'll puff out quite a bit, but don't expect towering balloons of brown crispiness. They'll crisp up, they'll puff out, but in a less jazz-hands kinda way.

So here is what you need:

- 3oz vegan marge such as Biona, Pure or Vitalite
- 2oz Organ 'Egg' Replacer (worth buying - I don't use this much, but it seems to be the magic ingredient for these, and one box = 66 'eggs')
- 60ml of soya milk (avoid using ta sweet milk if you can, it messes with the flava) or 2oz water - this is to mix with the Egg Replacer
- 4oz plain flour
- 1 teaspoon of baking powder
- Pinch of salt
- Pinch of sage, fresh or dried
- A turn of fresh black pepper (optional, but I like this addition, makes them a little meaty)
- Soya milk to mix to a batter 

And here is what you do:

1
Put a knob of the marge in each section of a cake pan / bun tray / muffin tray / whatever you have that makes little versions of things, usually 12 to a pan.

Put it in a VERY HOT oven - anywhere between 190-220 degrees C should do it, that's Gas Mark 4-5 - you know your own oven.

2
Wait for the marge to melt and get smokin' hot  - should take about 10 minutes - and while you do, mix baking powder, flour and salt well:

3
Mix the egg replacer with the milk.
Add HALF of this Egg Replacer mixture to the dry flour mix.
Whisk to a smooth paste, then add the rest of the Egg Replacer mix.

3
Combine the rest of the dry ingredients with each other, and add soya milk a bit at a time.

4
Mix the wet ingredients into the dry, carefully, then check to make sure there are no lumps, then WHISK WHISK WHISK (a fork works best, you'll get too much stuck in the whisk if you use one) to get those bubbles in.

When the batter looks bubbly, thickish and well mixed, review: it should look just like classic Yorkie batter, or like a pancake mix.

5
Check your pan. See that the marge has gone very runny and is smoking a little. If it is, take that roasting hot tin out of the oven CAREFULLY and as fast as you can without making a mess, put an even quantity of the batter into each aperture.

You should see the edges of the puds start to fizzle and rise immediately, which is a sign you've got the timing right.

6
Cook for 15-20 minutes!

Eat the whole lot in an amazed frenzy of 'checking they're OK!'